What I experienced today may not be new, but each time when it happens I wonder what I have done is appropriate? When I was preparing the message, there was nothing emotional about it. I was rather technical about. I had it all sort out what to say and no feeling was attached to it. In my preparation homiletically (The technicality of preparing a sermon) I can rate myself that I scored well. Exegetically (interpreting the bible) I am happy with what I have done.
As I begin the sermon I was classically a preacher, then an unusual wave of feelings and emotions took hold of me. I kept my outline and the content. As I preach I saw so much of myself in the sermon. I shared my heart. I felt very vulnerable. I open my life and heart like an open book to my congregation. At the same time my emotions got the better or me. It was so free flowing that I couldn't fake it.
In that same moment I felt my pains and the pains of the people that were so dear to me. I just let the best of my heart took over. I preach and shared my heart out. I tear through the whole sermon. This is when I technically flawed. I should be compose and not let my emotion run away. I wonder am I right to let my heart take the best of me? Or should I step back and take a breather and get technical and hold my composure?
I seek not pity or understanding from those who heard about my struggles. All that I have done was to be real to them and I am a person like them with head, heart and emotions. Pastor or not, I share a common humanity, with them we walk through the maze of life. Often buffeted and battered alone the journey of life we all must travel. As a pastor I feel for them. I pray for them. I wish I could shelter everyone under the pinion of my wings. Yet I am so limited and sometimes as frail as them.
I could only look to God, I could only wish in the deepest recess of my heart for the grace of God to cushion these love ones in their vulnerable moments. Head or heart? Does it matters? All that I can say is I have preached my heart out, I opened my life to them. I love them from the deepest of my heart. They are my family, my love ones.
5 comments:
Hi Pastor, I thought the sermon was great, as many times the congregation, or even me personally in a way " forget " that we are all human. You know what I mean ? Like leaders of the church or pastors have more better off lives, or the moment they pray it is answered, or sometimes that they don't have struggles because God is always with them. Sometimes I have this mindset, until it becomes set in my life too. Its like I cannot show pains, struggles or hurts, as a leader in church, or even someone just serving God , because I feel I serve as an example for others to follow. Which eventually breaks me down to the core, as all he pains and struggles is kept inside. So thank you for your message as it reminds me, that I too am human. I too make mistakes, I too can encounter and feel hurts,pains and struggles, just like any other person.
Thanks Pastor.
Thank you.
I love you =)
You always inspired me the most when you bared your heart during the most technical theological classes. That made a difference to me. You made me realize that Theology is not meant to be cold and technical, but a means to reach hearts and minister and shepherd and ultimately build the body of Christ!! Praise the Lord for teachers and pastors of your caliber!
-sue
Dear Pastor Lim,
The first time that I had the opportunity to see a glimpse of your heart was when you shared with us about one of your church members, so as to express a truth to us.
And because you cared much for that member, as you shared her story, you shed tears. Right then, I could feel your emotion of love,care and concern. It was so impactful.
It was also a tat'uncomfortable for me, simply because what I saw was not congruent with the image that I had of you. By appearance, you seem to hold everything together, calm, unreactive, jovial and oh, such a veseel of knowledge. A theologian more than a shepherd, was the image I held in my mind.
Of course, I had heard of your tenderness of heart from many who knew you before I did, but my mind just could not accept it - till that class and after that, many more.
Now, I am a believer of what I have been told because I have witnessed your shepherd's heart on so many occasions. In fact, in one of your theology classes, you left an imprint in mind - one that I carry until today - "theology is meant to be practised"
I just want to let you know, Pastor Lim, that my respect increased a few notches up the scale. I also wish to take this time to thank you for many heart and life lessons that you taught me while I was in BCM.
They have stood me in good stead even right now, as I study my Masters in Counseling. What you have imparted to me has allowed me to see people with greater grace than before. For a counselor should have a shepherd's heart - though not the duties or role of a shepherd.
May the Lord bless and keep you protected,sufficient, loved and filled with abundant grace. May His strength guard and keep your heart courageous to meet challenges, gentle and warm to hearts that hurt and alive to hear His voice.
Just me,
Diana
The heart of a good shepherd is always vulnerable, vulnerable to hurts, to feelings, to emotions. But this type of heart is what God desires & demands of His shepherds... a heart of flesh, open & transparent, sensitive to the voice of the Spirit, tender to the needs of the sheep. The Lord bless you for your shepherd's heart, Ps. Lim!
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